Choices

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3/8/13 Friday

Today was tuff. Up at 4:30 had to make a 6:30 AM MRI and then a MUGA at 10. Two different check ins at two different facilities, two different IV access sticks and two different weird machines, the last of this weeks many.

Lying in the MRI, on my belly, no real head support, being told not to move and something hitting under my left breast and hurting, I understood why people loose it in these machines. Even with my ability to dissociate I felt a bit panicky. Suddenly, remembering there was a choice, I took as deep a breath as possible and called for support – of course, it was right there, had been all the time, just waiting for me to connect and the comfort was quick and perfect. 

The beeps and grinds began to sound like sacred scalar (http://sacredscalarenergy.com/), a sound/vibration healing method. Next the machines energy waves turned to rainbow light bombarding me with heavenly healing energy. As they injected radioactive juice into my veins I noted its quality of gold flecks suspended in golden elixir, my soul's color. Panic turned to deep gratitude for the machines, brilliant minds and technologies and I could feel the intention, compassion and brilliance of those who created them to help heal.

Tomorrow is when my beautiful Goddess friends come to participate in a celebration/ceremony to shave my head. There are so many issues that cause me pause. I stopped to think, why do I want to and why do I not?

Want to:

A celebration surrounded by incredible loving women supporting me in releasing the ego association with hair.

Taking charge and honoring life where I can

Being vulnerable, open, receiving from others.

Releasing my hair as an offering and connecting more deeply to spirit.

Creating meaningful ceremony 

Don’t want to:

Other peoples reaction

Duh – no contest.